people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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