i love accidental penises.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were trust falling into bushes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
