hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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