I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
