Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Terrible idea I love it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
