I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
