am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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