he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
