oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
