Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
