I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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