Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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