God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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