carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i think my cat just said my name.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
