This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
