You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
