I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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