im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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