No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
