dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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