went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
