Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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