i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
