You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was born a porn star she said
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
