i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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