ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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