I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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