At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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