Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
