I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
