Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
