i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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