could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
