you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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