I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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