Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
