for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
