Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
