someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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