that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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