So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
