If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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