He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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