Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
