Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
