I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
