I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
