Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
