She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
