I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
