so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
